A meta-reflection: on posting


Without actually saying what I am thinking or feeling, I explain that I am in fact doing both of these, but rather too much to handle right now

What a time it takes just to live! What a faff! Still, I scribble away when I have too many better things to do, egocentrically trying to put a little of myself on paper (and then type some of my thoughts). I have not written anything about myself, really about myself, for quite a while, but I should like to jot away slightly more often to ensure that I can indeed explain what I am thinking, especially as I am changing so much at the moment.

I should explain that I am stuck at the moment, burgeoning suddenly with more ideas and thoughts than ever before, about the world, my affections and attitudes, philosophy, and more. Every few days it seems I try to spin some fresh yarn or reflection on my friends, each trivial, but to me a triumph, acting as they do to order my skein of myriad disordered twists, confusing me at night and defying any sense of unity. How many tiny observations dangle before a single thought can be shed connecting some mathematicians’ peculiarity of mind with a certain pattern of speech? Or how hard it seems even to be able to express an opinion on which abstractions of thought analysis are useful!

I am clearly in a particularly fruity mood these months, but even though I have stumbled on more ideas original to me in the last half-year than before, only a few of them are coalescing into something to say. I have no better grasp of language than when I last left off at GCSE, and no words to conjoin even the slight co-relation of pictures. I use as graphical language as I can, because have so much more hue of inward expression than I ever felt before—Alles ist Ton und Farbe—that I feel I have to indicate that I have spotted something, even if I have no better way to shade yet.

My friends though are familiar with these metaverse reflections [a real word stolen by science fiction writers], an unfortunate set theoretic taste, but the concrete conclusion then is that, having these thoughts but a sense of verbal inadequacy, my lack of posts really talking about myself is somewhat explained, and I will try to explore in words what I can of my nights and prayers. I am sure my long-suffering camarades will continue to let me try ideas out on them, with particular thanks to Rob, J.Rog., and college group for their frankness and for showing me some of things I really wish I could explain.

Further, even though I find it hard to separate events in my mind from their interpretation, making me prone to pad descriptions of the week with inspection, I will put up a few more details if I can of what I get up to, including tidying up the draft covering the last month. May some content soon follow and be a blessing at least to me.